RESTLESS? RESTPLUS? I Honestly Don't Know.

It's two in the morning...here in nowhereland. uh... Am I tired? Oddly, no. But something just came into mind. Something phenomenal? I'm not sure. You just think about it.

I have a speaking problem. An impediment. An occasional impediment. A pet peeve speaking...disorder?? Why is it that whenever I am writing something, everything just comes...so naturally. So fluidly like a bottle of Dasani? Don't knock the expression til you try it. I'm proud of myself when I'm writing. Yet when I'm presenting myself, trying to be professional, be it a speech in front of a class or a job interview, I stammer? I pause where there is no period. I mumble? I do anything vocally possible or not audible...at times. I don't have a problem with people. Or at least I think I don't. I mean. Around people, I'm just loud. Blah dee blah. The words never run out. But in these rare occasions and exchanges, It's a drought? A word drought? Probably a bunch of guttural noises to them. No wonder I don't get chosen for anything. I'm so...I don't know.. But I'll ...I guess. Sleep on it..without the sleep.

Goodnight everyone.

A HOT AND COLD CHRISTMAS

Dear Blog,

I haven't been blogging for days. I've been wanting to, but you know. Christmas and laziness kicked in. I know you've been wanting me to feed you my words. They're not quite words of wisdom or anything, but I know you still want them. I guess you can say, words of boredom. I'm sorry if that sounds a little less flattering.

Hmm...so what am I doing now? Well, nothing exciting. It's boxing day and my mom abandoned me for Wal-Mart. I'm stuck in this winter hell, although it's pretty nice outside, watching the Goonies. Classic film, yes, but there are other things I'd rather be doing.

So what happened this Christmas? I actually didn't do much exciting, except go to a little family get together to put the winter depression aside. Sure, my relatives were getting me drunk and I was turning red like a cherry, but still. What I loved the most about it was that it actually felt like a real Christmas I've never had yet in my lifetime. I mean, there was a tree, there were kids opening presents, there were just people around. Being happy, reuniting with family you just don't regularly see. Considering that my family is quite... well broken, it meant a lot to me.

Hmm...Well I'm pretty bored...this week has been so slow yet so fast. I don't know. It flew by, but I was miserable. I kind of want school back. Is that sad that I want it back? Is it sad that I want all the misery and stress back? Well I've vowed myself to start school work this weekend, I need to catch up, since I consider myself so behind.

Hmm...I guess to end this post, I'm just going to list the things that I sort of wished for this Christmas. I wasn't expecting much, but I mean...still. It's fun to get it out there. I mean.. future reference? I don't think I'm going to change much. I'd be such a spoiled little kid if I had all of this...

1. iPod touch. Sleek. 32 GB. Speakers. Touchscreen. Apps. Videos. Games. Music. Dance. Can't. Say. More. Than. One. Word. In. Each. Sentence.


2. Fringe Flapper dress. What for? Dance recitals, performances etc... It's a visual and moving wonder. Impossible to find where I'm from.


3. Flat, synthetic leather boots. Again, for dancing purposes and of course some that fits pants and don't get stained like suede in the muddy winter.

4. JEANS! Every single pair that I own are patched up...in the crotchal area. I know crotchal isn't a word, but you know what? So isn't blog. Technically. I think this is the most vital though. I don't want to be known as Patches O'Houlihan.

5. Jason Mraz Concert Tix? Or an opportunity to meet him? Please? If you come across this... you know you can always hit me up with a private concert. lol Winnipeg. Manitoba. Find me. Why? You make me happy. You make my heart tumble to my stomach. It burns, but I love it.


6. Headphones. Some good headphones. BIG. DJ style. Good sound. Treat for ears.

Now, I have a little bit of cash, but hardly enough for any of these. I'm kinda stuck between boots, headphones and jeans. I NEED JEANS. I DESIRE HEADPHONES. and I'M MISSING BOOTS. It's hard man. But that's my price range. Hmm...

COFFEETIME - Fergie can probably teach kids to spell and Feist certainly has taught kids to count... on Sesame Street.

I just wonder why is it that in almost every Fergie song, she spells SOMETHING. F-E-R-G-I-E.. or G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S. Two words little kiddies can now spell. Technically one. As for Feist. It all started with an iPod commercial. 1, 2, 3, 4..... Then she went on Sesame Street. Need I say more?

I really am craving an iPod touch. Boxing day is on Friday, but I'm not gonna anticipate too much. I might bawl and squirm pathetically. But I need it man. I dance. People who dance need music. We get music from the trusted iPod. Thank you Steve Jobs for the invention, although the first generations were quite....well. UNGLAYYYYY.It's funny how iPods kind of relate to people. Actually, you can tell that people love these things more than they love people sometimes. Even antisocial people have them. MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Just jukeboxing you. I'm quite the socialite for my age. I did not just self-declare that out loud, did I?

I mean, we listen to iPods all day. When we're done, we insert content into you and charge you up all night. We do that more to ipods than we do to people. So if you want to keep your relationship aflame, just think of what you do to an iPod in a more figurative sense.

Anyhow...I've always wanted to just ... write a letter about something. No, scratch that. I've always wanted to write a letter TO an object. To what I wonder. Hmm.. No, I'm not starting that segment. I already did it once today. I guess, here goes.

Dear coffee mug,

How I have missed you. I missed holding your tall body with my palms. I love how warm you are in the winter and I love that you flaunt your curves. Thank you for working hard holding my steamy, chocolatey liquid content. It must be hard for you. Your sides must be burning by now. You've been through a lot of heat. But the only heat you're going to be getting from this moment on is the warm fire coming from my heart.

I'm such a shitty lover and I'm sorry that I've neglected you in the summer; on that rack beside the onion basket. I'm sorry you had to sit through those months calling my name. And I'm sorry for leaving you unattended on Friday. I was worried what people might do to you. But don't forget that I love you. I'm giving you a nice cold bath everyday to keep you balanced. I use the best soap for you. Rinse. Lather. Rinse and lather and repeat. I do it to keep you stable and durable. Please don't get mad at me and spill your guts at me. It's hot, and I'll melt.

I just want to know that you love me too. Just know that I'd never throw you away. You're more than just cardboard to me. If you see me cheat on you with a 7-11 cup, he means nothing to me. His caffeine isn't even first rate. It's dull and bland, unlike the rich creaminess you give my tummy. I've not been stirring you up and I'm guilty for that. I know you love the sugar I slip every now and again. I'm sorry if you've had to use the stove when I was gone to satisfy your craving. I know you need to be hot. I don't ever want to catch you with Campbell's soup ever again.

Don't worry I won't let you down. I really hope that you forgive me. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve you. Thank you for still sticking by me even if I have dropped you and spilled all your hard work on the floor. I'm always here to pick you back up again and take a sip out of you. Just please forgive me and put some oomph to my coffee and tea again. Give me some froth.

P.S. I got you something special this Christmas. A crazy coffeed concoction I'll know you'll like. I know you like experimenting. This will certainly spice up your life. Check your stocking.Also, I've decided I want a vintage flapper fringe dress for post-caffeine dancing. That's what I want for Christmas.

Your placeholder,
.:. J+ME .:.

WEB LOG WITH A FRIEND!! It's the cool thing to do

Well, knowing that my last post needed an antidepressant, I'm keeping this post happy, but still. Random? I wish I had something specific to talk about.

Wait.. maybe a short pee break will help me think of a topic. What? A toothbrush is a perfectly normal muse.

5 minutes later....

Nothing. Zip. Nada. Mas Que Nada. I don't think I have anything with much relevance or sense to say, but I'm just in the mood to type. Hmm.. In my mind, I crossed the street and I stumbled upon a word that tickled my cerebellum. Primordial. Click on the word if you really want to define it. The word just makes me giggle though. That's all I'm saying. **giggle**

Hmm... #2 I keep saying that. Maybe that should be my new segment. "Hmm" I'm watching SNL right now. It's a replay-- Josh Brolin and Adele. Adele...is wonderful. Chasing Pavements and Hometown Glory really dig deep into me. But really... get rid of those.. .pornstar nails.

I'm currently blogging with a good old pal that is rocking the party in my socks. I've officially converted her. Thank you for supporting this internet religion. I love you banana. You're my little bag of Doritos.. I miss the excess cheese that's usually on them. I scrape if off with my tongue. That sentence sounds rancid and gross, but I'm sure you know what I mean. It's innocent really. I just devour my chips. That's why my thighs are so big.

Hmm. #3. What else to talk about today. I really don't like that I woke up at lunch today and there were no waffles. So I cooked shrimp. Did that make sense? I didn't think so.

Something I forgot to actually do yesterday...was actually document my life. So I'll do that now. What happened yesterday? What went down? What's UP? What's with these directional greetings.

Hmm #4. Yesterday, I went grocery shopping. I bought a new dress. It looks pretty when I do pirouhettes. Most importantly.. Our little expedition for shops actually for the first time felt like a family trip. I was kind of singing inside, because it rarely happens anymore. I actually felt four years old again and it was as if I was going home after having a lot of soda and a toy after a good happy meal. Yes I say soda. Not soft drink. I also say photocopy, not Xerox. I say toothpaste, not Colgate. And I could go on.

I love how clueless everyone is when we're four years old. I love that we don't know what trans fats are and that the biggest thing we worry about is saving our spot on the floor for nap time when the school days come.

Where was I? Right. Family day. After that... well it was getting late, but all my dad was thinking was, hey there's the liquor store. I'm not saying that he's an alcoholic, he just enjoys drinking...occasionally. And I do too..cause i can always get a sip. But what really ticked me off was that we all went inside because it was absolutely frigid. So my dad zoomed through the isles, nowhere to be found. He forgot his card though, so I had to go look for him. Then I got distracted by the floor. Why was it so damn clean and shiny? I mean shamwow, man. SHAMWOW! My eyes were hurting. Then this green glare suddenly popped in. What was it? The security guy looking like a lime. "Can I see your ID please?" God!! That's just rude. I mean, sure. I'm not 18, but still. What if I was? WHAT IF I WAS? That is such an insult being referred to as underage..... well I guess I'm overexaggerating that. But I have no idea what it's like to be old lol.B ut being called out for it in public. What if I'm just small?

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to go to that store next year and just walk in. I probably won't buy anything, I'll just wait for that same guy to come up to me and shove my damn drivers license in his face. What now?!!?!? That reminds me of how I still can't drive as an
intermediate driver.... that's so sad that I'm afraid to take a road test.

SONG OF THE DAY....on iMEEM today cause it's already there.

Attitude (1996 Digital Remaster) (Explicit) - The Misfits

This is my theme song when I kick that Lime Green Giant's ass with Japanese dubbing going on as I do my battlecry.

INTRO: Couldn't use Geek In The Pink, already taken by a genius. This post is drinking some haterade though.

As you all Mraz fans...[like me] should know, Geek In The Pink is taken and he is...wonderful. Honestly just takes my breath away. Need I say more?

But anyhoo. Intro. Blog. Me. Something about me is that I've bought so many little journals but I've never really ever finished any of them. I've only written 3 pages max and then stored it away in a crevice near my bed. It's probably dusty by now. I can still see the dolphin illustrated on the cover...and by now, I've probably lost the diary key to the lock that can be picked by ANYTHING.

I don't know. I really want to just document my life in some way. Doesn't matter who does or doesn't read this. Children or seniors.. you guys are free. Always will be. Those should be the happiest times of your life. Those of you in between? Well, life gets hard for you doesn't it? Everything costs something and you hardly get discounts for being grown up. You hardly even get good customer service being this...old/young. However you want it. Why am I going on this tangent? But the point I'm trying to get at is, well. Just in case I get Alzheimer's or something. It's here. Who's gonna give me the URL? I have no idea. This reminds me of how I have never touched my MySpace blog in years since I first got the account. **sigh**

Now...what to talk about. Me? Alright. Just because you asked. I'll tell you the little quirks in my system; whatever that's supposed to mean. Things I love. What does my heart beat for? Music. Dance. Dance is my...handwriting I guess and music is the ink. I'm always "writing" I guess. It's something I've been aspiring to be, but reality is biting at me. I'm probably never going to do that for a living unless I get lucky. I like writing, but hate having to put so much effort into getting your thoughts on paper. That's why I love keyboards. Thank you, keyboard man for your ultimate genius. I feel like a kindergartener trying to make a long list of things they like. Well. I'll keep going. Hmm. I don't know. I like a lot of things. Maybe I'll narrow it down to the things that just.... make my boat sink.

1.People who just have that attitude; that constant arrogance as if they're superior to the world. I hate the judgements made by people who are also just PEOPLE. I mean sure, express your arguments, but don't disrespect everyone else's DIFFERENT opinion. Just say yours and leave it alone.

2. Mondays. It's just a crappy day. And I'm a Garfield. Love lasagne. Hate Mondays. The start of a new restless week, so early compared to the Sunday where you probably woke up at lunch to...waffles?

3. I hate myself. Not in that self-depriving of all hope or happiness way, but I just don't like myself as a person because I tend to be a hypocrite and do the things that I just really don't like when other people do it. I just hate that there's still shame in me.

4. I hate the feeling of being [left] behind. I'm not entirely dependent on people, per se, but of course it's nice to have someone around. Also, I hate feeling behind at school. I sort of feel like a dumb jackass who doesn't even deserve an education because it doesn't seem like my hardest is enough.

5. Insecurity and bandwagoners. I have a lot of it. I wish this, I wish that. I constantly wake up in the mornings saying that I want to be in someone elses shoes [which is possible by the way. Just put on someone else's shoes] and live their life because it's just PERFECT. Everything seems to be going their way. But they're hiding things. I know I am. I feel I'm giggling every minute or so that it almost sounds like I'm convulsing. It's not as disturbing as it sounds. It's just a mask though. I think everyone knows that. I've always been somewhat ashamed of what kind of person I am, how I treat others and what I look like. I can't really put much control in that or should try. But I do it anyway. It probably kills me inside.

And BANDWAGONERS. Conformists. I understand if you recommend a CD or read a book. But just doing it ONLY for the reason of popularity of it is an overrated answer, you know? I mean. I went through the Twilight phase. It's not completely out of me yet, but I've lost some faith in it. First time I ever heard of the books is when a friend referred to it as "sex". As in yes..."the book is sex on wheels." I didn't read it, because I just don't read books. A dyslexic doesn't read books. It takes ten years to do so. So no. Actually, I'm not even sure that it's dyslexia.. but all I know is that it's a reading problem. It kinda feels like dyslexia and ADHD on roids or something.

Then this vampire thing got bigger. Then summer came. I never quite knew what happened, but I knew I lost a friend. She doesn't hate me I'm sure, although I was quite paranoid about it. But it wasn't the same. We don't have those conversations anymore. I got dull for her I guess. I'm still occasionally jealous that I don't have it anymore, but it taught me about pain. So what did I do? I read the damn books. Listened to them, really. Tried to make it fast. I read one at a costco. Borrowed one from the library, and by any means necessary got a copy of each book. My thoughts? Well, it wasn't the best thing I've ever read. Wasn't too phenomenal, it's just...I guess a fantasy thing I was never good at I guess. I still don't understand it. I'm not exactly calling it stupid, but it wasn't exactly GREAT literature. It was kind of like...a very prolonged and adjective-injected orgasm really-- and the movie just unveiled its covers. I'm sorry to those TwiHard fans if I've offended you. I know how rough these things can get. But if it makes you any happier, I don both a Team Edward and Jacob keychain on my ringsssss-- and I'm proud that they clunk in my pocket. The point is...I didn't really...get anything out of just doing this, reading it like I didn't even have a purpose for it. Just reading and reading word for word for the hell of it. I felt...numb, you know? I don't know if I can further explain that.. or if I should.

This is getting too long. So I better just leave this first post alone. I still have a lot of days ahead of me. RANT RAMPAGE. That's a good tag name. Clever cleaver.

In future blogs...

• Gonna post music that inspire each post.
• Post images that I've taken [when I get a functioning non-battery draining camera]
• Give reviews on life, movies, music, anything
• of course journal-type entries.
• whatever else that floats into mind.
  

FIRST PIECE OF TUNAGE [music] for blog. [will get a widget soon. Don't worry about it. It's just midnight and I'm famished.] Get Geek In The Pink here. Copyright Jason Mraz, man.