COFFEETIME - Fergie can probably teach kids to spell and Feist certainly has taught kids to count... on Sesame Street.

I just wonder why is it that in almost every Fergie song, she spells SOMETHING. F-E-R-G-I-E.. or G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S. Two words little kiddies can now spell. Technically one. As for Feist. It all started with an iPod commercial. 1, 2, 3, 4..... Then she went on Sesame Street. Need I say more?

I really am craving an iPod touch. Boxing day is on Friday, but I'm not gonna anticipate too much. I might bawl and squirm pathetically. But I need it man. I dance. People who dance need music. We get music from the trusted iPod. Thank you Steve Jobs for the invention, although the first generations were quite....well. UNGLAYYYYY.It's funny how iPods kind of relate to people. Actually, you can tell that people love these things more than they love people sometimes. Even antisocial people have them. MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Just jukeboxing you. I'm quite the socialite for my age. I did not just self-declare that out loud, did I?

I mean, we listen to iPods all day. When we're done, we insert content into you and charge you up all night. We do that more to ipods than we do to people. So if you want to keep your relationship aflame, just think of what you do to an iPod in a more figurative sense.

Anyhow...I've always wanted to just ... write a letter about something. No, scratch that. I've always wanted to write a letter TO an object. To what I wonder. Hmm.. No, I'm not starting that segment. I already did it once today. I guess, here goes.

Dear coffee mug,

How I have missed you. I missed holding your tall body with my palms. I love how warm you are in the winter and I love that you flaunt your curves. Thank you for working hard holding my steamy, chocolatey liquid content. It must be hard for you. Your sides must be burning by now. You've been through a lot of heat. But the only heat you're going to be getting from this moment on is the warm fire coming from my heart.

I'm such a shitty lover and I'm sorry that I've neglected you in the summer; on that rack beside the onion basket. I'm sorry you had to sit through those months calling my name. And I'm sorry for leaving you unattended on Friday. I was worried what people might do to you. But don't forget that I love you. I'm giving you a nice cold bath everyday to keep you balanced. I use the best soap for you. Rinse. Lather. Rinse and lather and repeat. I do it to keep you stable and durable. Please don't get mad at me and spill your guts at me. It's hot, and I'll melt.

I just want to know that you love me too. Just know that I'd never throw you away. You're more than just cardboard to me. If you see me cheat on you with a 7-11 cup, he means nothing to me. His caffeine isn't even first rate. It's dull and bland, unlike the rich creaminess you give my tummy. I've not been stirring you up and I'm guilty for that. I know you love the sugar I slip every now and again. I'm sorry if you've had to use the stove when I was gone to satisfy your craving. I know you need to be hot. I don't ever want to catch you with Campbell's soup ever again.

Don't worry I won't let you down. I really hope that you forgive me. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve you. Thank you for still sticking by me even if I have dropped you and spilled all your hard work on the floor. I'm always here to pick you back up again and take a sip out of you. Just please forgive me and put some oomph to my coffee and tea again. Give me some froth.

P.S. I got you something special this Christmas. A crazy coffeed concoction I'll know you'll like. I know you like experimenting. This will certainly spice up your life. Check your stocking.Also, I've decided I want a vintage flapper fringe dress for post-caffeine dancing. That's what I want for Christmas.

Your placeholder,
.:. J+ME .:.